It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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