Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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