Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
