Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize