My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
