Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
