The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize