Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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