I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
