4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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