jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
