I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
