I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
