Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
