are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
His nipple licking is glorious
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