I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
