Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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