i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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