I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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