does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
