I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize