i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
