Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
