My boss' voice literally gives me gas
smell my finger.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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