I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
