anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So much rum. So many feels.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
