I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize