he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
