i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dicks are not precious.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
