PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
