he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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