Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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