Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Randomize
