Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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