His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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