We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
