i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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