You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
