nut hugger
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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