Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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