D3 body, D1 cock
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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