One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
