He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
