somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
