i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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