Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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