You made me cry and you don't even care
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
