Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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