Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
