I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
