ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
