she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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