thus making me awesome and them whores
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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