im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
