sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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