? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
