yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
