....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
