I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
