Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
