i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
