I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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