dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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