can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize