I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
