when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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