Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
