He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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