somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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