One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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