I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
