i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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