He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I understand Curling. That high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
