the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
