Yo dont text me then not text me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
