i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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