8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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