dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
